Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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