i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
