Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize