I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
