I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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