sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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