The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
