That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
