i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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