I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Blood and glitter go together right?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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