FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
