if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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