yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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