i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
