i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
