You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
