Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
