she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
