I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
