Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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