the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
