i can't believe i had my finger in that
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
