You just made me feel so damn special
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
