The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
