I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
