i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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