All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
