my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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