every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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