Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
