I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize