the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
