Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry rasinhead hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(407): View more from Florida

so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all

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(210): View more from Texas

this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving

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(631): View more from New York

He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO

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(586): View more from Michigan

Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”

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