and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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