OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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