once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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