you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
