all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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