that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there's paper in my vomit.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Michael Bay diarrhea
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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