in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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