i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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