one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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