I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize