I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
