Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
