He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
