You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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