Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
