Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just want to make out with him forever
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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