Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
