can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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