Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
