i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
