lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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