Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize