There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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