i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I believe in your delicious
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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