the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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