i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
