Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
