Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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