I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
