I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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