Can Purell be used as lube?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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