I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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