I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just cropdusted the office
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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