I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
