The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
