How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
