hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
