Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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