who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
did i just pee glitter
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