Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
