was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
