We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize