I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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