my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
