everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
