he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
soo... how was my night?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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