I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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