Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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