he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
