You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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