I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
