Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize