Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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