Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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