haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
