If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize