why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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