I wanna passion pit in your ass
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
