I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
