hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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