I wish I only lived at night.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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