Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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