i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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