I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
