I wish life had little blips of pornography
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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